I played hooky from work today and took a mental health day. And it was lovely and much-needed. I got to spend the morning with my husband (he works a later shift), have lots of cuddle time with the cats, and lounge on the couch and watch Downton Abbey to my heart’s content.
I woke up this morning and just felt sad and overwhelmed, by a combination of things. My grandma is moving out-of-state in a few weeks and my emotions are not handling it particularly well. I know she’s excited and feels like it will be a good move for her, so, I’m happy for her. But I’m miserable. Last night she gave me a bag of items that belonged to my grandpa, and it was very emotional for me. Don’t get me wrong – I’m so pleased to have them. Truly. But I’ve got tears sneaking down my face just even typing about it. Some of the items are funny little knick-knacks that I didn’t know he had kept; things I had made him when I was a kid. Coins we had collected. Old movie tickets. He kept more mementos than I ever realized. But the item that about brought me to my knees is his pipe. I hadn’t thought about that detail about him in years, but it all came back when I pulled that pipe out of the bag. There’s even a bit of duct tape still wrapped around the mouthpiece. He’s been gone for 14 years and it still can hurt like hell sometimes.
I also got the results of some blood tests today, and I’m pre-diabetic! Yikes! Thank goodness I’m in the “pre” stage and have the opportunity to reverse things now. Avoiding added sugars with Whole30 may now be even more impactful than I originally thought. I wonder if my numbers would have been worse a few weeks ago, before we’d made any dietary changes. I have an appointment with my doctor next week so I’m looking forward to learning more then. I also want to talk with her about increasing the dosage of my happy pill prescription. We started with the lowest dosage at first. I do think I’m feeling a little better, but there is definitely room for improvement. I’m really struggling with getting stuff around the house done (like dishes, laundry, etc.) and if you’d have seen how clean I kept my apartment in previous years, you’d know why this is distressing, lol. It makes me feel so damn lame to be struggling with stuff like this, things that to me seem so basic… but that’s the truth of where I’m at.
Oohf, I’m a little grey Eeyore today. Here’s to hoping for a good night’s sleep and a brighter attitude tomorrow.